Revision is something children often get mixed up with editing; I know I did as a student. I can remember revision and editing being someone else telling me what to do and me just going along to get it over with. It is important that students have a chance to not only edit their papers but enhance the story by revising it. More importantly, it is important that students are practicing skills, not being told what to do. However, just like most things that come with writing, giving broad directions isn't helping anyone. I have recently, yes recently as an adult, learned more revising strategies that help my own writing. In this post I will show how using dialogue can enhance a story.
This short story is about the time my mother and I got matching rings.
Original:
Adding dialogue:
After adding dialogue I had a thought of "how could I have even told this story without dialogue. It is so important in this story." That is the great thing about revising- it makes you realize things that make the story more rich in ways you may have not thought of before, As I was writing my side notes in before making a new draft I could already tell how different the story would become.
Work in progress:
Final:
A Gift Really For You; For Us
Something about my mom’s happy expression was so soothing that day. I had been asked over and over the past few weeks- “What do you want for your birthday? What do you want for your birthday?” and FINALLY I had an answer for my mom.
I had gotten the thought randomly during class. I immediately called my mom to say “I finally have an answer for you. I know what I want for my birthday”. “What's that?” she answered eagerly. “I want us to get matching rings. You know like mom and daughter rings.” You could hear and feel the “ahh” through the phone. After several minutes of talking rings and about our day we got off the phone. It wasn't an hour later that I got another phone call. She had called me back to say “I cannot get what you said out of my mind. I’ve been telling everyone at work.”
Flash forward to the weekend and my mom had traveled to Boone from home to get these matching rings. I remember walking into the mall and mom’s face was priceless. Her smile even seemed to shine through her eyes. We ended up finding opal rings that we both loved. We soon realized that is my dad’s birthstone. “It seems like fate” she said.
As we walked through the parking lot with our new rings shining, my mom said something that stopped me in my tracks. She said:
“I want you to give my ring to your daughter one day after I’m gone.”
“Mom stop- don't talk like that.”
“No” she interpreted, “I’m serious. This can be something to pass down; it can be a tradition in our family.”
And in that moment I realized this gift wasn’t for me it was for you; for us.
I really liked how you showed your steps to revisions in this post. You're definitely right, the dialogue did liven up the piece. Can't wait to see more!
I struggle adding dialogue to my stories all the time. I never know where in the story dialogue is needed and how much to use. I feel like you have a start on a really great story. I would love to see what it looks like when it's developed further. Thanks for sharing your writing!
The dialouge you decided to add really added to your story. It helped to take the story from just being told, to feeling like I was much more a part of the story. I also love the story itself! Thanks for the post.
Megan, I love the dialogue that you decided to add! Reading your first draft, I was smiling, able to see that happiness that you were seeing on your mom that day! But I did want more to the story, whether it was more details or background information. The dialogue was the perfect addition, you were right - it was so important to the story! I loved reading it, thanks for sharing!